Why is it that people don’t want to hear the truth? I honestly can’t understand.
After yesterday’s concert people where talking about how they played. I said to two of the clarinetists who played in the last piece: “Yes, I liked how the clarinet section sounded, just this one solo passage at the end was not in tune.” And the girl who played the solo took it really bad. She even said to me that I made her feel very bad, because she had been quite happy about the way she played. I appologized saying that it was absolutely not my intention to make her feel bad. But this morning in quartet rehearsal she kept avoiding talking to me, and whenever she had a remark about something she would look directly at me, even though I had nothing to play at that moment.
So I’ve been asking myself: What did I do wrong?
I feel bad, because I made her feel bad. But the truth is, I just told her the truth (and if it was someone else I would’ve done the same, so it’s absolutely nothing personal), that it was good, but with the insinuation she might still improve this passage (which she obviously didn’t notice, because the whole passage was to low, she didn’t correct it).
So, am I not entitled to try to help her?
I, myself didn’t play good, in my opinion. After the concert the conductor comes to congratulate me with the words: “I know I’m a difficult person sometimes, but you did really well.” And my clarinet teacher said he also liked how we sounded. And I keep wondering if they really thought it was good. Because in that case I should really lower my expectations of me, and of all other musicians for that matter. I desperately want them to tell me the truth. How can I trust my teacher’s opinion if the one time he tells me I did good, I don’t agree with him?
I want to hear the truth, the naked truth. And even though I don’t understand why other people prefer not to hear it, I try to only give my opinion when it can help the other person, and I never ever forget to start with the things that were good.
I used to think everyone thought the same way I did (in every aspect, not only about truth). I’ve learned now that it isn’t as I thought. And I adapt. But they can’t possibly be asking me to keep my opinion silently to myself?!